Welcome 2010!!

As I was thinking about what to write to summarize 2009, I also noticed it's the end of a decade! In some ways I've come a long way since January 1, 2000: graduating high school, going on a mission, getting two degrees; but in other ways it seems like I'm stuck in time. Oh well. I guess my next post will have to deal with the passing decade of the "'00's". On to 2010!

Like my previous post, it seems half the year was dominated by negative things while the latter half seemed to have enough positive things to give me a better feeling about the year and hopes heading into 2010. Much of what I mentioned in my heroes and villains list will be mentioned here as well.

I began the year worried sick about student teaching, which started at the end of January. In the end, I was able to pass and do well enough, though it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. There were too many days I had to completely force myself to go to school because I was completely unmotivated. It wasn't that I didn't like the students or being a teacher, but student teaching is all the stress of actual teaching, with the added stress of constant observation and feeling like you are being measured not by how good a teacher you are but how well you emulate the cooperating teacher and/or supervisor's methods. Added to that other coursework I was taking during student teaching as part of my master's degree and outside stresses, and I have concluded it was by the grace of God that I finished it. By the end I got more into a rhythm and as I said, I really enjoyed the students I worked with. But all in all, I'm glad it's OVER. It ended April 26. I'm glad I will never have to student teach again.

Left: Last day of student teaching at Southeast Middle School (April 24)

leading the 7th grade choir in warmups; Right: MAT poster presentations

with my good friends Mari and Erica (one of my 2009 Heroes!!) at the KSU

student center in May. I finished my poster amidst a mostly empty

house as this was just a few days before we moved.

2009 also began with our home being placed on the market by our mortgage company (GMAC who just got ANOTHER $3.8 billion in bailout assistance...GRRRRR) to avoid it going to foreclosure. So, while I was student teaching, when I was home, I occasionally had to deal with prospective buyers who wanted to tour the house. There were multiple times the real-estate company wanted us to leave a key for them. Sure...open my home and everything in it to complete strangers. Riiiiiight. I had enough of a problem with it WHILE we were home. I think we had 3 or 4 in the three months it was on the market. We were told if it didn't sell in 90 days, then it would go into foreclosure and we'd be out sometime in the summer or early fall. As I blogged the day I found out, it was sold to our neighbors (who made my 2009 Villains list for this purchase!) for a fraction of what it was worth. Initially, GMAC wanted us out in like 2 weeks, but my dad was able to get us a month; and we needed every day of it.

Losing the house was more traumatic than I ever thought it would be. I secretly cried in the bathroom at my brother's apartment in Maryland the day I found out we were losing it. During the whole process I was rarely sad about it, but instead I was furious. I still find myself angry over the whole thing. Basically, the people affected most by everyone else's actions -- my mom, my sister, and myself -- had no say in anything and had the least amount of resources to do much else. It was frustrating to say the least. Thank goodness for family and friends who helped not only physically but mentally as well. Having a place that I considered mine ripped away from me was very difficult. I still find myself having dreams about being back there knowing it isn't ours but we still have stuff there and it's time to be gone and we still have so much to move. I haven't been back in our old neighborhood since we left May 14th and I don't know when or if I ever will go back. Something very personal and important was taken away from me and turned into something else.

Left: The house in happier days back in Spring '08; Right: The empty living

room one last time on May 14 right before we left

Having my graduation delayed until August was pretty rough too. I found out right as we were heading down the home stretch in moving and finishing student teaching. It was like my world was completely unraveling. I had already bought my robes and hood for commencement (which I never used) and had invited family to come. And then to find that everything that needed to be taken care of was little more than changing paperwork and could only be done by my absent-minded advisor (but of course the College of Ed claimed it was completely my fault) made it even worse. I finished my final project for my graduate class amidst a mostly empty house but still tons of stuff still needing to be packed and moved.

The good thing that came out of me not graduating was, of course, that Mom and I were able to attend Heather's graduation from medical school. That was a HUGE diversion from the stress we had just endured and was a welcome change of scenery even if it was just for a few days. My Spring Break trip down there was also a lot of fun and was a major highlight of the year. It came after several weeks of school and no major break (like 5 or 6 straight) so I was sooooo ready for it. I was able to make two more visits to Andy and Heather in '09, including a late-July trip to their new home in Nashville and a return trip with my sister Katie for Thanksgiving. Both trips were welcome breaks from the same-old-same-old here and a chance to relax.

Left: finishing off the extra frosting with Andy & Heather April 6...I would

find out the next day the house had been sold; Right: walking the streets of

Baltimore after Heather's graduation May 15.

Left: In front of the Parthenon in Nashville with Andy & Heather August 4;

Right: Thanksgiving at Andy & Heather's November 26.

Two of the biggest thrills for me this year were the shows I was able to be in: This is Kirtland! and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I knew coming into the year I wanted to do This is Kirtland! again, but Joseph, as I mentioned in a previous post, was something that just kind of fell into my lap. This is Kirtland! filled an important role as practices had just started not too long before we finished moving. Having rehearsal -- and later the performances -- was a wonderful distraction from what was going on here with moving and then unpacking and adjusting. Joseph proved to be a nice distraction, but not nearly as much mostly because I had already adjusted; it was more a help in dealing with not having a full-time job. But even then, both were things I enjoyed going to because I was doing what I love to do (perform) and I was around people in both casts that were easy to get along with and enjoyable to be around.

Left: Opening scene of This is Kirtland! as Sidney Rigdon;

Right: in my costume as Pharaoh with Amanda Davis (Narrator)

and Aaron Darr (Joseph) after the final performance of Joseph

December 20 at Weathervane Playhouse

Left: With Sarah Bailey (left), director of Joseph and Melanie YC Pepe,
producer of Joseph and director of the After School program for

Weathervane after the final show of Joseph December 20 after 2

shows and striking the set! WHEW!; Right: with the kids that played

my children in This is Kirtland! in front of the real Kirtland Temple July 24.

There were other wonderful events I was glad to be a part of this year, like my trip to Cleveland with Michelle to see Ohio State crush Toledo 38-0 at Cleveland Browns Stadium on September 19 (my first OSU game since 1996) and the amazing ward Christmas Sacrament program just a few days ago where I was able to sing O Holy Night and direct the choir. Of course I also enjoyed having some time to explore Kent history both reading and getting tons of pictures. Not only was the weather fantastic this summer, but I actually had the time to do something about it. I also really enjoyed getting to sub in Kent this Fall and work in the Akron Public Schools through Weathervane as part of the district's Akron After School enrichment program teaching theater games for an hour 5 times a week. Not only did I get to meet some great teachers and administrators at the school I worked at and at Weathervane, but I also made some good friends who were working in the After School program and in Joseph (love ya Marie, Robyn, and Melanie!).

Left: Michelle and me at Cleveland Browns Stadium for the

Ohio State-Toledo game September 19; Right: me with Marie Smith

at Friendly's after the final Joseph show December 20. Marie worked

in the crew of Joseph and was also a teacher in the After School

program with me. We had a lot of fun swapping stories from

our schools and after a show at a certain Applebees ;)

Of course one of the biggest thrills for me this year was getting to finally be an uncle. It will only be surpassed when I finally become a dad. I was excited for my nephew Nathan to be born, but getting to meet him this Christmas was so wonderful. It made Christmas, which at times was less than thrilling, a little less boring. Like I blogged last year, Christmas isn't as magical as it used to be for a variety of reasons, but having a baby in my arms for much of it made it a little more magical (especially at my Ridinger grandparents' house where we basically watch the younger cousins open presents) even though he slept through pretty much all of Christmas at both places! I'm hoping to be able to go visit Utah at the end of March.

Some various pics of me with Nate while he was here in Kent. The middle

picture is me trying out his Christmas present before I gave it to him :D

Left: How Nate and I spent most of Christmas at Derbys in the morning and

then at Ridingers (center) that afternoon!! Right: An update of me and

my sibs, December 31.

Personal Heroes and Villains of 2009

This has been quite a year for me. I had hoped to do another Christmas newsletter, but for one reason or another, I didn't get it done. Be it laziness, lack of motivation, or just being too busy, it just didn't happen again. Even then, I have been reflecting a lot about this year because I am truly happy to see it end. That's not to say some wonderful things didn't happen, but some pretty awful things did happen; things that have been more difficult to deal with than I ever thought possible. So I got to thinking about the people that really affected my year -- the good and the bad -- and why. Without further ado here is my personal list of 2009 Heroes and Villains.

JON'S HEROES OF 2009
Grandma & Grandpa Derby: Of course most my family (particularly my immediate family) is always up there, but this year my Derby grandparents really saved the day. When we found out we could possibly lose our house last year they did not hesitate to offer us a place to stay. When the unthinkable finally happened in May of this year, they not only helped us move, but opened their home to us for virtually nothing. It hasn't been perfect as we have meshed two households and two largely different ways of doing things, but we've made it work. They have sacrificed so much just to make sure we have a place to live and continue our lives and that we have the resources to get on with our lives from here. Words cannot express how grateful I am for all they have done for us just this year, not to mention for pretty much every year of my life. I do not know where I would be right now without them!

Elwin & Diane Robison: Moving was not a pleasant experience, but it was made even more unpleasant by not having money to rent a moving van and the fact that we were moving out of the house we had lived in for 26 years. This is where the Robisons stepped in. Not only did they volunteer countless hours to help us pack, but they also donated the use of their van and trailer to help transport things from our old house to Derbys. And no, this is not the first time they've come to the rescue. They've always been there and I'm grateful especially for the help they were in moving. Diane was especially helpful in getting things organized and helping Mom decide what to keep and what to get rid of, not to mention a moral support.

Charlie Carey, Nate Jeppson, & Christopher Bowers: These were three members of our local ward (congregation) who helped load and unload the many vanloads we had to take from the house to Derbys over the month we moved. It was so comforting to know we had some support from our ward family at a time of great need. It also made moving go just a little bit quicker. Thanks for just being there!!!

Erica Woolf: Erica was one of my friends from the Master of Arts in Teaching program I completed this May at Kent State. We first met as members of the same cohort in the Summer 2008 semesters and had our classes together for Fall semester 2008 and Spring semester 2009. When she found out about what was going on with us needing to move, she almost immediately offered her truck to help. When I actually asked her if we could use it, she not only brought it, but helped us move even though she lived around an hour from Kent and had two young daughters to take care of. Not only did I enjoy her company (and her adorable daughters!), but having her truck that day was a great help in getting some of our larger furniture items out of the house quicker. I miss you Erica!!

The Aamodt Family: I have to list the Aamodt family because they helped without even really knowing it. I had just found out we would be losing the house when I was down visiting Andy & Heather in April when Grandpa Aamodt died. Being down there, I attended the funeral with Andy & Heather. The Aamodts welcomed me like an I was family (I had previously met them at Andy & Heather's wedding) and really helped me keep my mind off what I would be facing when I got back to Kent, even when they were dealing with the loss of a loved one. I saw them again about a month and a half later when Mom and I attended Heather's graduation from medical school in Baltimore. We literally walked away from our home of 26 years for the last time and went straight to Maryland. Again, the Aamodts (including Grandma Robison!!!!) treated us like family and helped Mom and I feel loved and wanted. Looking back, I am glad we decided to do that even though it made the last few days of moving a bit hectic. I can't say enough about how the Aamodts helped keep my mind off of what had just happened.

Basically, all my heroes were those who helped us in some way and showed us true examples of what it means to be Christlike. Thank you all for being such great people and living what you believe.

JON'S VILLAINS OF 2009
GMAC: GMAC was the mortgage company that is responsible for the loss of our house. True, my dad shares some of the blame for accepting such an insane mortgage, but in the end GMAC is the company approved it and who obviously felt that money was far more important than keeping people in their home. Not only did they do nothing to help us get an affordable mortgage, but they did a short-sale on our house, selling it for less that $5,000 more than we paid for it in 1983.

The Colliers: Many would argue our former neighbors were just taking advantage of an opportunity that presented itself. Indeed, they even stated they bought our house for practically nothing for the neighborhood's sake to prevent it from becoming a rental house for KSU students. Whatever their reason, they did buy the house which resulted in our being forced to leave. On top of that they had the audacity to claim I was trying to burn the place down when I removed the motion detector lights on our front porch we had installed and I left the exposed wires there in the ceiling (apparently they were touching when they saw them). Before this all happened, I had a good relationship with them. We occasionally talked and seemed to all be on the same page about neighborhood security after Mr. Collier's parents (his other neighbors) got robbed in the middle of the day last summer. But the way this unfolded tainted my view. They had a chance to really be heroes or at least appear more benevolent when we needed a miracle, but instead it felt like they swooped in behind our backs and took full advantage of us like they couldn't wait to rid the neighborhood of us. They claimed they bought our house with every last cent they had for their destitute son, yet as soon as we left suddenly had money to replace every major appliance and make extensive repairs and upgrades to the house. Did I expect them to buy the house and let us stay? No, but I would've walked away feeling better if they had at any time talked to us and let us know they even cared, like finding out if we even had a place to go. Had my mom not gone over and talked to them we would've moved and they would've never said a word.

Cutler Real Estate: I know, the real estate company was just doing their job, but I guess I still see them as accomplices in this whole thing. Basically, we were not on the same team; their goal conflicted with ours so I had no motivation to work with them. Clean the house? Don't mention any major problems? Oh and having our privacy constantly invaded was just wonderful. I just loved having complete strangers walk through our entire house so they could pass their judgments and take inventory of what we owned.

Nancy Miller: Ms. Miller was one of the people I had difficulties communicating with last year whom I referred to as the "OGS Contact" in my post "My Angry and Accusatory side". While I already had a negative impression of her going in to 2009, it wasn't until April that she truly cemented her villain title. That was when I got a letter informing me that I wouldn't be graduating in May with my classmates. Why? It wasn't because I was missing any credits or hadn't taken the right classes; it was because my advisor hadn't changed my prospectus (list of planned classes) to include the substitutions we had agreed on and because a professor (who also happened to be that same advisor) hadn't changed my grade from an incomplete to a letter grade before the University's arbitrary deadline. In other words a simple matter of paperwork. So simple, in fact, that when it finally did get taken care of by my new advisor in May, it took all of one day for her to do it. Nancy Miller, though, is one of those people who seem to delight in putting students "in their place" as subjects and minions of the University. She has her little fiefdom and woe unto you if you dare question her royal highness. When I did come to her, she was not nice in any way and basically treated me like a total idiot, like somehow I was supposed to know everything about how the MAT program worked even though I had never been in graduate school before. Nancy Miller had a chance to be a hero by realizing that the spirit of the law (making sure students have all the necessary credits to graduate) was more important than the letter of the law (the arbitrary deadlines). All it would've taken was a few mouse-clicks and maybe a letter to someone who needed it. But no, exercising her power was far more important than showing any kind of sympathy or compassion, even as I dealt with one of the most difficult events of my life. And no, my negative experiences with Nancy Miller were not unique. Every other student I talked with who had to deal with had the same opinion I did of her. She was very pleasant and professional to her colleagues, but that pleasant nature vanished when she dealt with a lowly student. I hope one day she gets to see how her actions affected those she was supposed to be serving in the Office of Graduate Student SERVICES. See also my post "Wow can this year suck any more?!?"

Linda Walker: Dr. Walker was the aforementioned advisor and the professor I first blogged about at the end of the Fall semester last year. I usually referred to her just as my professor and/or my advisor when I blogged (also see "Enduring to the end"). She was my professor for one class Fall 2008 and she was the director of Music Education for KSU. I ended up having to do an additional 10 reports as her way of being gracious and not giving me a D in that class because of my mix-up in not turning in the required reports when I thought I had (A 'D' would've essentially been a failing grade and prevented me from graduating without retaking the class). I did them and turned them in as agreed on and waited for the grade to be changed. Well, the deadline came and went and nothing was changed, which contributed to my not officially graduating until August, as I previously mentioned. She also nearly botched my student teaching when she assumed it was the College of Education's responsibility to find me a supervising teacher. Only after I raised the red flag did that get taken care of and not a moment too soon. Had I waited any longer I may have had to repeat student teaching for no fault of my own. Of course she never apologized for that. But that seemed to be the story of my time with her as my advisor. Not only did that nearly get botched, but most of the time I felt like she was clueless about what I was supposed to be doing. Granted, I was the first music student to go through the MAT in 10 years. I knew that, so was very understanding and patient at the beginning. But I could only have so much patience when that person wasn't doing what she needed to to help me get through the program and had such an obvious dislike and disdain for me by the Spring semester I started wondering if I'd ever graduate. And then to top it off, I make a small mistake not turning in an assignment and she acts like I'm the world's worst student. All she needed to do to be a hero was do her job and she failed miserably by not attending meetings (she admitted that to me) and letting her personal feelings influence how she did her job in relation to me. I wonder if her resignation as director of Music Education at the end of the Spring 2009 had anything to do with me, but all I can say is that resignation came a semester too late. The icing on the cake was she couldn't even find the time to send me an e-mail that she was no longer my advisor after I had sent her several about getting the Prosepectus problem taken care or. The MAT director was the person who let me know that. It's sad because I initially liked Dr. Walker after working with her in high school through choir. Even initially as my advisor we got things taken care of and problems solved, but the more we met and talked, the more things got worse, especially after the whole report fiasco. It's a scary thought when the person who has complete control over your graduation obviously doesn't like you.

Basically, the people who made my villains list are people who affected my life negatively but had the chance to be heroes had they made different choices. Instead they chose to follow their own emotions or what the world dictates should happen rather than choose compassion, benevolence, or understanding. Basically, they took the humanity out of our interactions. It was frustrating, sad, and disgusting all at the same time and I'm glad it's over and I don't have to deal with these people anymore. Dealing with the above has taught me a lot about what forgiveness really is and how hard it can be and how much I need to work in it! Time to move on to bigger and better things!

Wow can this year suck any more?!?

2009 isn't even half over and the disappointments and frustrations keep piling on. Yesterday in class my professor (who is also the MAT director) let me know she had received a letter from the Office of Graduate Student Services (OGS), a letter I had not received myself basically stating that I wouldn't be graduating due to the "incomplete" still on my record from Fall and some question about my workshop credits I took. So, I went to the office this afternoon to talk to the woman in charge of this. Of course it's none other than the same woman who was "so offended" by my e-mails at the beginning of the Fall semester because I was basically talking to her as a peer, which is apparently a crime in academia. Talking to her was useless: I'm not graduating, and it's all my fault because my advisor didn't get the grade changed and didn't amend my academic planning form to include the two workshops I took to fulfill the graduate credit levels. So, it's not that I didn't meet actual requirements, it's that certain paperwork was never filled out or changed. And of course, I am not notified of this until after it's too late to do anything about it other than the initial letter way back in February. Obviously I didn't fully understand all that needed to be done so I could graduate as far as changing my academic plan or I would've done it.

Obviously several things bothered me, the first of which was how I was treated. It was not the "I'm really sorry about this" or "let's make sure everything gets settled" or even "I'm here to help" type of attitudes, but more of the "you're a complete idiot" attitude and "I have better things to do than to discuss it with you." There was no sympathy for anything; no thought about how this affects me; nothing. I was a lowly subject in her fiefdom. I hope one day I get the opportunity to tell her what I really think about her. The other thing that bothers me is the whole absence of humanity. This could all be solved by a few simple key strokes. I would be getting the degree I earned and could move on with my life. But no, because some arbitrary deadline passed and the person who was supposed to take care of it didn't, I have to postpone any plans I had as far as graduation goes until August. What does it hurt her to just say, "OK, you got the credits you needed so let's just change the form and all we need is your professor to get her butt in gear and get that grade changed." No, since the official changes are after a random day, I have to wait until August. It would be one thing if I were missing a class or short on credits, but I'm not. I have done and passed everything I was asked to do, but now some simple paperwork is missing that I obviously didn't know about and I'm the idiot since I'm not an expert on how to finish the MAT program. I'm SOOO glad I didn't spend money on announcements and getting a party together. I did buy the robe and hood because I was going to walk, but now walking in August doesn't really excite me all that much. I think it's because I wanted to graduate with my friends who were also in the program and now I can't. Kind of ruins the moment. It technically shouldn't stop me from getting a job, but still I just want to be done with this already. I'm tired of school and more tired of all the politics and idiots I have to deal with on a daily basis.

So yeah, I came home and seriously wanted to break something, but didn't. I was soooooo mad, but ended up breaking down. This is all coming at the worst possible time. Losing the house, having to move, getting everything done with school, and now one of the lone bright spots I was looking forward to is taken away from me and at the very least put on hold. I hope the people that caused this to me one day get to see what they did and actually understand the immense amount of sadness, frustration, and anguish they caused all in the name of deadlines and power.

I have already e-mailed the director of the School of Music- the only person who seems to actually be supportive- and talked to the director of the MAT (she was the one that said it wouldn't affect my job search). The director of the School of Music is going to meet with my advisor I think tomorrow and see what happened. Of course nothing will happen to anyone except me. I mean, heck, since I was two days late in realizing I had neglected to turn in an assignment that's what caused the whole incomplete thing in the first place! So, if I'm late it costs me and if someone else is late it costs me too! Seriously, this whole experience has been botched from day one. I should've known being the first person in 10 years to go through the MAT from music would be this bad, but no, I had faith they knew what to do. Nope, not even close. The scary thing is things could've been even WORSE if I hadn't said things along the way (like with my supervising teacher!). I've really enjoyed my graduate classes, my graduate professors, and my classmates, but this will definitely leave a sour taste in my mouth. If I'm ever in the position to donate money to KSU, it certainly won't be to the College of Education OR the School of Music. The only department I have dealt with regularly that hasn't royally screwed me over is the athletic department! Seriously!

The lone benefit of this is that I will be able to attend my sister-in-law's graduation, which is the day before when mine would've been. She is graduating from medical school in Maryland, which I think is most impressive and awesome. Getting a master's degree is cool for me (I'm the first of my siblings to get one though was the last to get my bachelor's), but graduating from medical school is way higher on the hierarchy of accomplishments in my humble opinion. PLUS I get to see Andy, Heather, and Heather's family again! Doube bonus! =)

Wow it's over!

It's Sunday night and I don't have any lesson plans to worry about. What a great feeling! I officially finished student teaching on Friday, though after school I still had the district's Spaghetti Dinner fundraiser concert and today I posted my final blog reports for the week. It was definitely one of those surreal moments when I walked out of the school Friday afternoon realizing I was done with student teaching. Even at the end of each class it really didn't hit me that would be the last time I'd be in front of them as their teacher. I had really stop running the choirs a few weeks ago other than warm-ups, but still most didn't even know it was my last day. Not until near the end of our portion of the Spaghetti Dinner did Mr. Suzelis acknowledge me as the student teacher and the fact that it was my last day. In my general music classes, some students did know, plus I told them and got class pictures of each class. I wish I had remembered to get class pictures from last nine weeks, but I never managed to do it. I can say happily that no students were happy to see me go...none of them said "YES!" when they found out it was my last day or that it was coming up soon. In fact, some even said "oh come on, stay another week!"

Anyway, so it's all done. It is quite a wonderful feeling to be done, but in all honesty I can't really enjoy it all that much. It's much more of one more major thing out of the way so I can get on to the next major thing: moving. We spent much of the day Saturday packing and loading my car and Mom's. I was pretty frustrated with the whole process and having temps in the mid to upper 80's didn't help. It's hard enough moving, but not even having the proper equipment to even do it sucks too, kind of like the situation this past winter having to manually shovel the entire driveway with over a foot of snow on the ground. We have made great strides in getting rid of things, but even after all that there is so much more we have and seeing it all and realizing it all (well, most) has to get moved in the next 2 weeks is daunting indeed.

Ponderings

I have a lot of thoughts in my head right now that I want to share, but because most of them involve student teaching, I'd rather not air them out while I'm still at the mercy of certain people. As a result, I am taking the blog private just for a few weeks; basically until I graduate and have all my letters of recommendation. So, if you want access, send me an e-mail with the e-mail you use to log into blogger.

As an update, I just completed week 9 of student teaching. I have three weeks left total, not counting the week of April 6-10, which is Spring Break for my school. Kent State's Spring Break was this week and all that meant for me was not having my Wednesday classes (which are in the midst of a 4 week layoff anyway) and no Institute today. Even in a normal week I only go on campus twice a week. I'm way excited and definitely ready for Spring Break, though. Just one more week. The last day off anyone at my school had was President's Day, which came at the end of a 4-day (which became a 5-day) break in the middle of February. So yeah, by the end of next week it will have been about 6 weeks since our last days off. See why I can't wait?!?!? Once this is private, I'll blog more about my "deeper" thoughts about student teaching and some of the experiences I've had thus far. It's not that I have a bunch or horribly negative things to say, but if I've learned anything from this past year of school, if there is any chance what I say can be misinterpreted, it will almost certainly happen, so better safe than sorry. This coming Monday is evaluation #3, which is my "midterm" evaluation. It will be done during 6th grade choir, my first class of the day. The benefit is that it will be done and over with relatively fast. The drawback is that 6th grade choir is always a challenge for me in many ways, so I guess it will be a true evaluation of what I can-- and cannot-- do; at least I hope.

For Spring Break I am going down to the DC area to visit Andy and Heather. We found out March 19 that they will be moving to Nashville as Heather will be doing her residency at Vanderbilt University, so this will be the last time for me to have a free place to stay to visit Washington, DC. Who knows when I'll be down there again! Really, while I do plan on visiting a few sites, I'm not planning too much since I really just want to get some rest and get out of town. I imagine much of my break will be spent sleeping and blogging! Andy and Heather will be gone during the day working most of the time I'm down there anyway. It will still be good to see them again. First time since Christmas.

More to come soon...send me those e-mail addresses if you want to see the blog while it goes private.

Multi-tasking at the game

Here I am at the Kent State vs. Buffalo men's basketball game at the MAC Center and would you know, but I'm multi-tasking by blogging while I watch the game. I've seemingly fallen off the earth in terms of blogging the last month as student teaching has pretty much taken over my life. I've become almost religious in getting to bed by 10:30 every night so that I get as close to 8 hours of sleep as possible. Only now, at the end of week 6, do I feel like I'm in some sort of routine and am not as tired as I have been during the day. However, come Monday I will basically assume my cooperating teacher's full schedule, meaning I'll be going non-stop for pretty much the entire day after my first period planning time. I can do it, but it isn't going to be busy and hard. I am currently planning for four classes full-time and I do the physical and vocal warm-ups for two of the choirs. After Monday I will add an additional general music class (so I'll have all three) and will assume a larger role in the other two choirs. This will only last for about 3 weeks before I start turning classes back over to my cooperating teacher as my time runs down. I must say it was music to my ears to hear my cooperating teacher ask today how I wanted to handle "turning classes back over" to him. That means time is marching on and we're at a point I can even think about how things will end! After tomorrow I will be halfway done...incredible!

Student teaching has been quite the experience. Since I'm not done with it yet, I don't really want to go into all the major details yet (I'm fully aware this is a public blog), but let's just say I've had some highs and some major lows. There have been two times thus far that it was hard to be motivated to stay or show up, but I did and have seemingly worked through the incredibly hard times. Now I'm heading down the homestretch and am excited, but also anxious. Now the big challenge is finding a job and staying local if at all possible. And let's not forget just finishing student teaching itself and doing well in the process. I still have six weeks (not counting the Spring Break at my school the first full week of April) so I'm not done yet.

Let it be?

My title is inspired by the song I'm currently listening to...Paul McCartney's "Let it be," a song I could blog about because of its history which I find intriguing. That aside, as I thought about writing this post, I was thinking, "when will I be able to blog about something really positive, exciting, and uplifting?" I guess the answer is "not yet..." So it seems, one catastrophe after another. On the good side I have entered week 3 of student teaching. So far it's been about what I expected, though I could do without all the politics and details. To say student teaching has excited me to have my own classroom would be lie because it has me seriously questioning whether I really want to do this for the rest of my working life. It's definitely not my students that have me questioning myself; they're all great for the most part. Yeah, some of them give me a headache at times and make me want to scream, but in the end I can't really complain. I'm currently teaching the 6th grade general music class full time and have slowly been taking over the 5th and 6th grade choirs as well as the 8th grade general music class. By next week I should have all 4 classes full time. I think my biggest problem is I'm far more lax on talking than my cooperating teacher is, so it's hard for me to really crack down on it as much as he wants me too, mostly because I'm not as aware of it as he is. So, problems he sees don't really seem like such big problems to me. So in a way, I feel like I'm being more judged on how well I mimic my cooperating teacher than on whether I would be a good enough teacher myself. Anyway, I can't really complain about my cooperating teacher much as he's given me a ton of feedback to help me be better and is supportive of me trying new approaches (he really liked my little PowerPoint presentation today in 8th grade music). True, we definitely have differences of opinion on strategy, but I know he wants me to do well.

Today has been an interesting day to say the least. Teaching went OK, though I am still suffering from the effects of a cold, so I have a stuffy nose and a cough which is worst in the morning. It's magnified the stress I already have for sure! It was after school that things got interesting as I finally had a follow up with my professor from last semester. I was nervous, but tried to be cheerful and smiling without being wishy-washy. Basically, the meeting was ice cold and she kept re-iterating that I "earned" the low grade (a D+) and didn't want to get in a "philosophical discussion" when I protested that such a grade is not an accurate representation of my actual comprehension level in the class, which is how will people will interpret such a grade (isn't that what grades are supposed to measure?!?). She had absolutely no sympathy or leniency for what happened (review: I accidentally left out the book reports from our final project when I turned it in and received no repsonse when I contacted her to try and correct the problem) and simply assumed that I blew off the assignment. So, someone who is supposed to be teaching us how to be better teachers and try to reach "special learners" and make sure no one gets left behind had no problem with me getting left behind and had no interest in helping make it right. To review, the Tuesday after it was due (it was due the week before finals week) I discovered the printouts of my book reports and immediately e-mailed her to see if I had accidentally printed out a second copy. I received no response until her "courtesy" e-mail notifying me that I had received a D+ since I didn't turn in the final reports. I got that e-mail on Thursday or Friday of finals week.

She considers herself highly considerate and gracious for giving me an "incomplete" after I sent my e-mails in December and indeed, I will give her credit for that. However, the end result is that I have to write 15 additional book reports and turn them in by the end of the month. I thought "how annoying" but since no matter what I said she had already made up her mind, I just went along, trying to be pleasant the whole time. She never smiled once at me and the only nice thing she said was complimenting my hair when I came in (she didn't recognize me at first it seemed). Not only was it an ice cold meeting, but it was also rushed. I got the impression that my meeting with her was an annoyance and an inconvenience (she even said she had another appointment after a whole 5 minutes or so (I arrived just after 3 coming straight from school and was done by 3:16) and didn't even close her office door while we talked. The relationship was obvious: she was the lord; I was the feeble minion begging for mercy. I also got a taste of what she thinks of me as a student, and probably as a teacher, when I asked why it didn't seem to bother her that I hadn't turned the assignment in and had apparently blown it off. I said it told me a lot about what she thinks of me as a student and she basically agreed. So, she really doesn't like me, thinks I'm a poor student, and I'm supposed to believe that when I turn this "assignment" (read: busywork) in in 2 weeks that it's going to be graded fairly?!?

As I walked out, I basically decided to just get it done and over with and be done with her once and for all. As annoying as such an "assignment" would be (writing the first 15 was not a pleasant experience) I figured just getting it done wouldn't be that difficult. I still intend to do it, probably this weekend since I have a 4-day weekend (yes!). Of course, it's never that simple. After walking out, I called the MAT director to inquire as to why I hadn't heard from my supervising teacher yet. My cooperating teacher had asked my professor (who is also the director of student teaching for the School of Music and the liaison between the MAT and the School of Music) and she had said it was the MAT's responsibility to get me a supervisor. Well, the MAT director called me back and told me to call the Office of Student Teaching & Field Experience and they said it was the School of Music's responsibility since the Office of Student Teaching is a College of Education office and is therefore not qualified to evaluate me as a music teacher (something I had assumed as well). The person in charge seems to have it under control and has the ball rolling as it appears I "fell through the cracks" being the first music student to go through the MAT in 10 years (she even thanked me for bringing this to their attention). But that begs the question: why is it OK for my professor to botch something of this magnitude (had I not called, it could've been catastrophic in terms of my student teaching), but I'm not allowed to turn in an assignment late because of an honest mistake in a stressful day and week? And let me just say, this is not the first time my professor has failed in her duties as liaison and as my advisor due to her not being familiar with the MAT program. I have been incredibly lenient and understanding with her as I've dealt with problem after problem and frustration after frustration in trying to find answers and make sure I can graduate, most of which have been caused by her not being up to date (i.e. attending relevant meetings) with the program requirements. Seriously, she didn't even know that the program was just a year long until I told her last fall and thought I was still an undergrad!

So, now I am debating what to do. I could tell it bothered my professor immensely that I went "above" her, but as of now I feel that's what I need to do again. Not so much to get out of the assignment (though I wouldn't mind), but to make sure a formal complaint has been made and because I do have a legitimate fear of retribution in the form of my grade. I can understand honest mistakes, but this is incompetence and pure indifference on her part towards me, not to mention letting her own prejudices and personal feelings affect how she evaluates students.

Wow this was long and I still haven't even gotten into my student teaching experience yet! Guess I'll save that for next time!

Good riddance 2008!

Well well, here it is, the last day of 2008. I must say I am not sad at all to see this year end! While no year passes without ANY good happening, it seems this year was extra full of challenges for myself and this family, not to mention the nation and world as a whole. All in all, this has been a rough year for a heck of a lot of people!

Of course the bad things that have happened to me and this family have been well-documented on this blog, at least the major stuff. The whole situation with the house is the obvious winner for bad news and gets 2009 off to a rough start. A lot of the grief I have had with certain people at Kent State has had a shadowing effect as well and again, some of that will carry into 2009 too. The house situation seems to be related to a lot of the other problems we have, family relations in particular, but the good news is that it will almost certainly be resolved in 2009. Whether or not that resolution is to our liking remains to be seen of course. The only thing that could make finding out about this situation any worse would be actually losing the house. What I do find interesting is that while most of our major problems have to do with money, they are largely unrelated to the economic problems around the world. Even in the 1990's when the country was booming, we were never that well off.

For me, the biggest thing I am looking forward to is graduating in May, though before I get to that point two things have to happen: I have to pass student teaching satisfactorily and I have to pass another section the Praxis. Both are things I am certainly capable of, but nevertheless they are hardly simple things, especially student teaching. The good news is that I already know most of the students I will be teaching and they know me, so going in come January 26 won't be a huge event or much of a mystery. Once I get through that part of my life, I can finally move beyond being independent, something I have longed for.

With all the bad stuff that has happened, though, I thought I'd look back at the year and reflect on the good that has happened. First, we are still in the house and I am grateful for that. When Dad told us in May there were fears we would be out of the house by the end of the summer. Only when that didn't actually look imminent did I finally start taking care of summer projects, most of which I did after I bought a much-needed chainsaw. Another plus for 2008 was graduate school even though it has brought it's fair share of frustration and stress. My summer classes were things I actually enjoyed going to and the people I was around were people that made me feel good about myself. That carried over into Fall, and while I really almost detested all of my undergraduate classes (except the Instrument for Choral Majors class), I enjoyed at least being at my graduate classes . Not only did I enjoy the people I was around, but I also enjoyed the class structure and actually having meaningful discussions. My undergrad classes really lacked that. Along with that, I have enjoyed being at Southeast Middle School and Southeast Intermediate School and am mostly looking forward to student teaching there at the end of January.

One of the biggest things I was grateful for and got to do a lot of in 2008 was sing, particularly the national anthem. I lost count how many times I did it in 2008 as I sang for almost every home game for both the men's and women's basketball teams at Lake Erie College in Painesville, Ohio and I got my fair share of KSU games too. The game in January against Akron was a highlight, but I thought I did better at the game against Miami just over a month later, which had almost as big a crowd as the Akron game. I have been able to sing at 2 more KSU men's games already this season, plus I got to sing at this community breakfast in Stow on July 3 which was a lot of fun and a great experience. It's funny yet sad that the biggest chances I've had to sing, despite being a music major, have been in athletics, not in anything from the KSU School of Music or the BYU-Idaho Department of Music. The only solo time I ever had at either school was in studio class (called "master class" at BYU-Idaho) and my own recital in December 2006 where about 15 or less people showed up. It wasn't that I didn't try out for solos (though eventually I did), but I was just never "what they were looking for" I guess. Along with singing the national anthem, I got to go to a TON of sporting events this year, mostly high school and college and a few Cleveland Indians games. I always enjoy attending sporting events, though too often I do so alone!

Of course I got a good amount of singing time in church too both at my ward and at the stake level too. It was pretty exciting to sing for a stake meeting, which I did back in September. I really enjoyed singing in the Christmas program at Church on December 21st as well. I love to sing and while songs like the "Star-Spangled Banner" can be very difficult, I really enjoy singing them. The "Star-Spangled Banner" in particular can be very difficult for even experienced singers, but I have come to really like it (come to think of it I always have) because it opens itself to a lot of creativity and interpretation, plus I have always thought my voice fits it pretty well.

Another highlight for me was the trip I took with Katie to visit Andy and Heather in the Washington, DC area during Spring Break in March. Not only did I get to see several sites that I had been wanting to see, but I got to spend a lot of time with Katie and of course Andy and Heather. It's funny how being apart changes relationships. Growing up my brother and I were very different people who had similar interests. I couldn't stand to be around him, particularly in high school. It was bad enough that, as I have mentioned before, I only wrote him a few times while he was on his mission because I really didn't have that much to say to him. Well, since he got back from his mission, we have gotten along much better and enjoy being around each other, though since then we haven't been together much over a week. Even during Andy and Heather's latest Christmas visit, we didn't see them every day (they were here for a week). Added to the better relationship with Andy is Heather. She's just someone I enjoy being around because she's so genuine. Even though we really didn't spend a whole lot of time with either of them while we were in the area (they were both busy with work and school), the time we were able was a lot of fun. I'm very anxious to see where they end up for Heather's residency!

There are many other joys in my life that I experienced or began in 2008. For one, I'm still in Primary playing the piano, plus I have had the awesome experience of being executive secretary and all that comes with that calling, plus as acting choir director, I have been able to do a lot more now that we have Brother Brian Ebie at the helm of our music program and at the organ. What a difference! I've also really enjoyed teaching piano to my three students. The family is a joy to be around and I'm learning a lot about being a teacher at the same time (plus it keeps me on my toes with my own piano playing along with Primary). And let's not forget the purchase of my Ipod Touch and my super awesome laptop. Both are things that I have used and enjoyed since getting them this summer.

There are many little things I need to focus on this coming year, mostly things like reading my scriptures regularly, writing in my journal regularly again, and getting to bed at a consistent time, epsecially since I'll be at school so much from now on. Once school starts I'll get on a pretty regular schedule since every day will be the same classes for me and time I need to leave. But anyway, there were definitely lots of wonderful things (sure there are more I'll remember soon!) that happened in 2008, but it goes to show the magnitude of our current situation and how much it is hanging over us. Here's to a better 2009!

Oh the drama!

First things first: I did speak to the director of the School of Music today and while we really accomplished little in terms of my grade, I feel better about things. The biggest thing was that she spoke to me as an adult. She did not try to make excuses for my professor or try to make my concerns less than they were. It was very refreshing to say the least. One insight she did give me was that in one of my e-mails to my professor, I capitalized three words. She said my professor probably interpreted that as shouting, which had me shaking my head. While it is true that in written form shouting is shown by capitalizing, it is normally shown by capitalizing an entire message or sentence, not just one word here and there. Capitalizing one word is a way of showing emphasis, especially in the absence of italics and/or underlining. Everyone I've mentioned this to has said the same thing. So at least I know where the whole respect/"proper tone" thing came from. Basically, the director told me that it's a good thing that I currently have an "incomplete" because those are easier to change, plus it indicates my professor is at least willing to discuss it before giving a final grade. The director recommended I write to my professor and schedule an appointment as soon as classes start in January and get it all worked out. She also let me know what steps would need to be taken if it didn't work out, so at least I feel like someone is on my side. I enjoyed how she took a very subjective approach and simply got my side of it. She also recognized how hectic the last few weeks of the semester can be and how that fit into what happened. I got the impression she really wants to find a solution that helps me graduate without undermining the position of my professor.

The more I have thought about this and thinking back to other dealings I have had with this specific professor, the more I am led to believe that she really makes a lot of assumptions about me based on me being a white male from Ohio. I know it sounds extreme, but I first noticed it a few weeks ago when I did my music proficiency test with her. For that test we had to have 15 songs ready from a variety of different styles, appropriate age groups, and with different basic instrument accompaniments. The songs were supposed to be at least somewhat unfamiliar so we could expand or establish a personal collection of songs to use in future music classes. One of the songs I chose for a younger grade (can't remember what grade I chose it for, but it was K-2 at least) was Au Claire de la Lune. Now, I realize this is a pretty well-known song to just about everyone and while the beginning tune is familiar to me, the entire song was not nor were the words (which I did in French), so I was learning something. Well, she "failed" me on that song (each song was pass/fail) citing that it was "too easy" and basically assumed that I knew the song already or at least should've known the song and thus should've done better on it than I did. Based on what? Being white and raised in Ohio? I wouldn't go so far as to claim racism, but I would definitely label it as stereotyping. To be honest, I never heard that song even referenced by name until I was in high school college, though I heard its melody here and there growing up. My elementary music class was heavy on music appreciation, but I learned virtually nothing about music history and theory. She would be grossly offended if I assumed she knew something based solely on her race or background (she is of African descent) since that would immediately be labeled a stereotype. This whole thing with the e-mail just adds to that belief. Since she interprets putting any word in all caps as "shouting" she assumes that everyone holds that belief, when in fact, most do not. Anyway, I'm not sure how-- or if-- I will address this with her when we meet in January. Many of my private dealings with her have been positive, particularly in regards to the MAT program, but too many like this have been very negative.

In other news, due to some limited drama at the annual family cookie day, we have an update on the house. My dad did show up later and he and my mom ended up getting into an argument in the hallway regarding the current situation, particularly in regards to his relationship with Katie, which if you ask Katie doesn't exist. That's an entire different subject really though. The bottom line there is that we all need to step back and let Dad and Katie work things out themselves and if Dad is serious about maintaining a relationship with anyone, he needs to show that he cares more than simply sending messengers. Anyway, Mom and Dad ended up talking upstairs for a few hours. As for the house, the update is mixed. My dad did talk to the mortgage company and they were "gracious" enough to let him know they will be putting our house on the market beginning in January. So, yes, we will have a nice "for sale" sign in front of our house for three months while they try to sell it at its market value, which is listed at around $120,000. Now I have documented the many problems with this house, so I will be surprised if anyone offers to pay the full price for it, especially with the current economic situation. Even with that, though, we still have the inconvenience of having a realtor having access to our house and having to have visitors come over not to mention the possibilty that someone actually does decide to go ahead and buy it. If I'm here when visitors come I'll just be sure they know EXACTLY what they are looking at buying! Should the house not sell in 90 days, then the foreclosure proceedings will begin and that will last approximately 8 months, which takes us to next November or December. The hope, of course, is that by then I will have a full-time steady job and we can work out a plan for me to take over the house or some other miracle takes place by then. But seriously, can't I just have a peaceful holiday free from stress?? Just what I need...more stress for the upcoming semester!

Oh no not again

So I alluded to this in my last post, but now it's getting frustrating. As of today, it seems I'm having a repeat of how this semester began with my e-mails being called "inappropriate" and "disrespectful" and I sit here completely baffled. This all started last Friday when I turned in my observation journal and what I thought were my book reports. I'll admit I should've taken care of it earlier, but that's beside the point. I got them all done and got the clear plastic binder at Wal-Mart and turned them in at the School of Music Friday afternoon and figured I was done with that. Well Tuesday I was looking for another paper and suddenly found the book reports. The day I turned them in was a really hectic day for me and so there's a lot I honestly don't remember. I didn't remember printing off a second copy of the reports, but sometimes I do that because I notice a problem and have to print them again. Well, I immediately e-mailed my professor, who also is my advisor and will be my supervisor next semester when I student teach. This is the e-mail I sent, dated December 9, 2008 at 11:52 AM EST:

"I just wanted to make sure you received my book reports with my observation reports. I found my book reports, but honestly cannot remember if I printed a second copy. The day I turned it in was a very hectic and rushed day, so I just want to be sure I didn't forget that part. Thanks!"

I didn't hear back from my professor, so I figured I must've printed an extra copy. Well, Thursday night I checked my campus e-mail and realized that because my KSU e-mail finally switched over to the new gmail system, the forwarding command I had set up needed to be set up again and I had several e-mails sent to my KSU e-mail that I had missed since they are usually forwarded automatically to my AOL e-mail. One of those e-mails, which came Thursday, was from my professor which had my grade. It was a one-liner with no complete sentences, containing my final exam grade and "book reports: 0" and that I had gotten a D+ for the semster. A D+! Funny that I NEVER got a D on ANY assignment during the semester, yet somehow a D+ is supposed to adequately reflect my efforts and understanding in the class. Upon seeing that I was understandably shocked and upset, and sent this e-mail from my KSU address, dated December 11, 2008, 11:02 PM EST:

"Did you get my e-mail about the book reports? I asked if I had remembered to attach them because the day I turned them in was very hectic and somehow they got separated when I put them together. I did NOT spend hours on them to get a zero. I had assumed since I didn't hear from you that I had turned them in and had a second copy. I'm also confused what "add others" means in reference to my grade and SERIOUSLY question a D as an adequate representation of my actual performance in that class considering that I never got a D on ANY assignment."

Mom suggested that I just send her the electronic version of my book reports, so about 50 minutes later, at 11:52 PM, I sent another e-mail that included the Word 2007 document:

"In light of the missing reports, rather than make a trip to campus to put them in your mailbox and not even be sure you'll get them, here is the Word 2007 document. Again, I did e-mail you because I wasn't sure if I had accidentally forgotten to include them or not and since I didn't hear back I assumed that I must've printed an earlier copy and that's what I found in my folder. That day was very hectic and I honestly don't even remember half of it since so much happened and so fast."

I didn't hear back today, and knowing this professor is one who takes her vacations seriously (i.e. rarely answers e-mails while she's on vacations and pretty much has no contact) so I sent another e-mail this afternoon, dated December 12, 2008, 4:35 PM EST:

"Hello [professor's name]-
I would really appreciate a reply so I can get this all taken care of. The last thing I need going into this break and into student teaching in January is this grade hanging over my head and the possibility of having to take this class again. It is something I cannot afford in more ways than just tuition, especially considering that I did the required work and hardly "earned" a D grade. Please get back to me as soon as possible so we can discuss this and come to a mutually beneficial conclusion."

So, this afternoon at 4:50 PM I FINALLY get an e-mail from my professor and this is what it says:

"Jon, I would be happy to respond to an appropriate email from you, that is in a respectable tone, before my vacation begins."

It may come as no surprise to anyone reading this, but I was pretty irritated when I got this e-mail. You have all read the e-mails I sent. Honestly, what was inappropriate and/or in a disrespectful tone? I'm really tired of responses like that. Those of you who know me know that I'm a pretty laid back person. I guess the only things that really get to me is when people get like this and they avoid addressing the problem claiming "disrespect." I'm not a person who fires off angry e-mails; I think about what I want to say and what needs to be said and try to do so without sounding wimpy but not mean. This is what I replied back in an e-mail dated December 12, 2008 at 5:55 PM EST:

[professor's name]-
I'm sorry my tone came across as it did. One of the problems with e-mail is the tone I wrote the e-mail in doesn't always transmit when it is read since tone in any written form is only through interpretation of the recipient. That said, please understand this involves my grade and graduation, so I have every right to be a little upset as this has taken me completely by surprise. Wouldn't you be worried if I wasn't concerned with a grade that low? Having to take any class again will be very costly for myself and my family in many more ways than tuition.
Again, I did send an e-mail earlier in the week asking if you had received my book reports and I did not receive any response. I had no way to know if you had received them to even correct the problem, otherwise I would have addressed the issue as soon as possible.
Also, when something is inappropriate in an e-mail I send, please be specific as to what you saw as inappropriate. I cannot correct a problem that I do not see.

As I attended the Roosevelt boys basketball game tonight (a 71-44 Roosevelt win over Coventry...go Rough Riders!) I thought a lot about this and the more I thought about it, the more I agreed that yes, some disrespect was shown, but it wasn't towards my professor; it was from her to me. Responding like that is INCREDIBLY condescending and downright insulting in my opinion. I am an adult who is paying a lot of money to be "educated" by her, not some middle school teenager with an attitude problem. Why is it OK for her to answer her e-mails whenever she feels like it (if at all), but not OK for me to show a little emotion in mine? Frankly, I consider her lack of an answer to my initial e-mail to be highly unprofessional. And what kind of teacher who cares about the well-being of her students doesn't notice something like this and pull the student aside or contact them and say "we have a problem" and try to work things out? Seriously, these people are supposed to be teaching me how to be a better teacher. I guess I at least know what NOT to do.

This, of course, brings back the memories of the beginning of the semester when I had such a difficult time with the College of Education. I still haven't gotten a decent explanation of what I did that was so awful other than addressing the person I e-mailed "as a peer." I know...what a crime. Two adults conversing as adults. How awful! I continue to be amazed and disgusted at the "fiefdoms" certain people establish in academia. Have they forgotten their real purpose? That's right: to educate! And who pays for them to educate us? Yep, the STUDENTS! I didn't sign up to pay over $10,000 in graduate tuition so I could be talked down to, belittled, and have my questions and concerns ignored! And as far as I know, I need a C to "pass" the class, so if I would have to take it again I would have to wait until next fall, meaning I couldn't graduate this May and would have to wait another year to find a job. Not only would that be hugely inconvenient, but it would virtually guarantee losing this house. It is sad how people in college fail to realize or even care about the consequences of their actions when they exercise their "authority" (better defined as "lordship") over students. Just having to take one class over again would be catastrophic to me and this family. And if I brought that up in a conversation, not only would it be virtually ignored, but it would also be labeled as "unprofessional." It just goes to show that too many college professors are more concerned with lording over their dominions than making sure their students are actually learning. Grades aren't used to show the outside world what level of understanding the student has, but are instead used as a weapon to keep students in line. That's what happens when things that have little to do with comprehension (like attendance) are attached to grades.

I have a placement!

Well, with all the BAD news I've been getting this week, it's nice to finally have some good news. I found out today I will do my student teaching at Southeast Middle School with the choir director/general music teacher. The Southeast Local School District is a rural district located in Palmyra Township and covers all or most of 5 townships in southeastern Portage County (hence the name "Southeast"). It is about a 25 minute drive from my house to the school. All of the district's schools are located in the same general area. I know several people from the area since it is part of our ward (congregation), so that is a plus.

Anyway, Tuesday when I was observing that teacher's general music classes I got a call from the principal of Southeast Middle School letting me know he'd received a letter from Kent State about me student teaching and that he'd like to visit with me. Well, how convenient that I was already in the building when he called! I called him back between classes and he came and talked to me during the 8th grade class. He was OK with me coming there, but wanted me to talk to the teacher and see what he thought about it. The teacher didn't have the time to talk right then, so when after I observed his classes again today, we talked briefly and he said he was OK with it. At this point, that means I can start observing on a more regular basis and start having more of a role than just being in the background watching. The MAT is designed to allow the student teacher to observe in the classroom they will student teach in so that the students aren't totally surprised by the student teacher come January. In the general music classes that won't be the case since they change every nine weeks, but not so with the choirs. I'm not sure how much I'll take on as a student teacher (he also teaches a 5th grade choir at the intermediate school), but I'm excited. This teacher is highly respected and thought of by students and colleagues alike and he's been teaching for 31 years. I actually met him this past Friday night when I attended the Roosevelt vs. Southeast football game at Southeast (Roosevelt won 42-0 =)). After the game I saw some people from church that go to Southeast and they introduced me to him.

I'm just glad I have a place to go now so I can get the work done required for this semester. As part of our 100 hours of observations, we have to attend certain meetings and meet with certain people. The nice thing is that our observation time isn't just the time we're sitting in the classroom, but the time we're at the school in pretty much any capacity. So that game I went to on Friday? Well, since Southeast is my school now, it counts in my hours. Hurray! I'm also excited since I already know a few people at Southeast, both students and workers. One of my friends from church works at the primary school and her best friend is the secretary at the middle school. Turns out I already know the secretary as she came with us when my friend took my sister and me to an Indians game a few weeks ago. Of course my three current piano students are all at Southeast, with one at the middle school, plus one of my former students from my days as a teacher in Primary (children's Sunday School) at church is in the 7th grade choir. So, it's not totally familiar like going to Roosevelt or Stanton would be, but not completely foreign or new either. That's good for learning new ideas and ways of doing things; broadening my horizons as a teacher!

In other news, though the calendar said Fall started back around September 20, after today it is OFFICIALLY Fall here as I put the basement windows back in and closed them, turned on the furnace, and just took my window air conditioner out and put my screen back in. NOW it is Fall! After the house got down to like 60 degrees this morning and into the afternoon, it was time! Of course the weather has a few more nice days ahead, but doesn't look like anything that warm. I know Fall has arrived for sure when I have to do the window rounds! The same goes for Summer when I open them and take the storm windows off!

Well-intentioned

Well, to start there isn't any news on the house front. Amidst all this we all seem to be remarkably calm and have a quiet reassurance that somehow, some way, this is going to work out. I still can't explain it nor even attempt to say "here's how it could all work out..." but something tells me it is going to happen. I wish I were at the other end of this story so I know what happens...the suspense is killing me! LITERALLY!

I've been thinking about something in relation to all this. While I've been greatly helped and strengthened by the wonderful comments I've been getting, one thing I've heard from several people over the time we've known about this is basically "don't worry about it since you have no control over it." For just about anything else I'd agree because there's no point in getting all worked up for something that's going to happen regardless of what I say or do. But this is different. Why? Well, for starters it affects me directly. It's hard to not worry about something that's going to directly affect me in a BIG way (stress, emotionally, physically) even IF there's nothing I can do about it. The fact that I can't do much of anything about it makes it even more difficult to deal with. See, in most things I can't do anything about, the end result either doesn't affect me at all or affects me indirectly which is why it's easier to just not worry about it. For instance, when my sister got married, there were a host of reasons why I didn't think it was a good idea and I made those clear to her. As that unfolded, I began to really understand what it meant to just not worry about it since there was nothing more I could do that was productive. I had done what I could and now it was out of my hands. Now, I could see someone saying, "well why not apply that here?" and they'd be right except for one major difference: my sister getting married didn't have a direct impact on my life; it had an indirect effect. In the end, little changed for me. In losing the house, however, that will be a HUGE change for me not to mention it will be a very stressful time with school added into having to pack up and move everything here and deal with the emotions of losing my childhood home of 25 years. So while I'd LOVE to not worry about it, it's much easier said than done. It's along those lines of things that sound good to say, but show that the person saying it really doesn't understand what the person/people experiencing it are actually going through and feeling. Since the person saying it doesn't have to worry about losing their home, it's far easier to tell others not to worry.

Now, if you are reading this and saying "oh man, I think I said that to him," rest assured, I'm not angry or anything of the sort, so no need to apologize. I appreciate all the comments and moral support I have been given and recognize that it's not easy to say the "right" thing. I also understand that those who have said that to me have meant it in a loving and caring way to help me feel better. Let this be a learning tool for all of us so when something like this happens to others we can be an even greater support to them.

Now, I do want to report a little bit of progress on the academic front. I registered for two online "workshop" classes to satisfy the holes left in my schedule due to the fact that I do not have to take Reading in the Content Area (but since it was an undergrad class it cannot count towards my masters degree) as well as the fact that the methods class I have to take is an undergrad, so it also doesn't count, so I was short 4 graduate hours in my total. I signed up for two 2-credit workshops that both deal with technology; one in podcasting and one is using Microsoft Office Access in any profession, including teaching. They each last about a month. While I am still a little irritated I have to take extra classes, at this point I'm ready to just get them done and over with so I can move on. I did make it known to the director of the MAT that they need to seriously evaluate how this program works with the School of Music because the two are almost not compatible with each other. Because I'm not a music graduate student (I'm a secondary education student), I can't take any graduate music courses, so all the content classes I've had to take this semester don't count towards my degree; rather, they are for the teaching aspect. I don't see why there can't be a way so I can get the classes I need to be a good music teacher AND get the credits I need to get a masters degree. The biggest problem is, of course, that I am the first music student to go through the MAT in 10 years and second in 18, so it's not something they have had to deal with for awhile. Even with that, now is the time to get things fixed so this doesn't happen to whoever the next music student is who comes through. Honestly, I think this is a better plan than just going straight through the undergrad music education program. More expensive, yes, but since teachers have to have a masters degree or the equivalent (30 graduate hours), why not get it done in one year when it's still fresh, plus you get the added benefit of graduate education courses and smaller classes?