Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Adjusting for now

Well, the latest chapter in my life has begun as we said goodbye to our home of 26 years last Thursday before heading down to Maryland for my sister in law's graduation. I think the lengthy nature of the move and having as much time as I did to get used to the idea made it less emotional to leave, but I think I'm more angry than I am sad. I'm angry how the whole thing has unfolded and how the people it affected the most- mom, Katie, and me- had absolutely no say in what happened. It's still weird thinking it's gone. I mean, I know the house is still there, but is now in the possession of someone else. For pretty much my entire life, that was my space, my refuge, and now someone else is changing it, doing whatever they want to it; essentially ruining it. It would be one thing if we had sold the house voluntarily, but having it ripped away like this at the most inopportune time? That has made it all the more difficult and stressful. It was surreal walking through the house one last time and it being virtually empty. Mom says one day we'll look back and be thankful we were freed from all the problems of the house. I want to believe that, but right now, despite all the problems the house had, there would be very little that could make me glad to be free of the house. Outside a natural disaster or fire where the house and yard are lost or damaged really bad I really can't see how anything will make me be OK with this other than getting the house back some day. Even if I finally get a job and get my own awesome house, there will always be a part that hurts because we lost this house.

Some pictures right before we left to unpack the last load (we came back one more time later that afternoon). On the left is the living room; the right the kitchen.

On the left is a view of the basement. We left a few empty boxes and some old books that were probably moldy anyway. On the right is me in my empty room right before we left for the last time.

For now I am staying at my Derby grandparents' house here in Kent. Yes, it could be a LOT worse considering I still have a roof over my head, family, and even Internet access here, but it's hardly a substitute for what I had living at home, not to mention having a lot less space. I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything, but at the same time I'm not exactly thrilled. This is a sacrifice for my grandparents as much as it is for us since we had to condense an entire house into two bedrooms, the basement, and the garage while my grandparents have to put up with two extra people and a lot of extra stuff in the house, not to mention not having any extra bedrooms. I'm hoping I can get a full-time job as soon as possible so I can get my own place and really settle in. I've gotten settled here in the meantime, but not as settled as I was back at home. While I have my furniture set up, the vast majority of even the things in my room before the move are still in boxes and I don't have any intention of unpacking them. Part of it is not wanting to have to pack them all again when I do move while the other part is simply not having anywhere to put the stuff. While I have about the same amount of space here as I did in my old room, I have far less shelf space here and much less closet space, so most of the stuff in the boxes consists of my shelf items. Being here reminds me a lot of when I would go to Idaho for the school year. I'd move into my apartment and get fairly settled, but not too much so and only brought what I felt were necessities. By the third time I trimmed back what were "necessities" and downsized a lot of things too (like my computer monitor and TV).

I'm really glad Mom and I were able to attend Heather's graduation in Baltimore. It was a welcome end to the bulk of all this moving and gave us both a chance to think about something else for a little while. Granted, the graduation itself had it's "moments", but being around Heather, Andy, and Heather's family was so much fun. I also think someone graduating from medical school is an incredible accomplishment, so having my own sister-in-law made it even cooler. I am sooooo proud of her!! Once I knew my graduation had been derailed and then found out that the POPs concert at Roosevelt was going to feature a whole bunch of alumni, making the decision to leave was easy. Really, the biggest inconvenience was having a few less hours to pack the house, but we made it OK I guess. As for the POPs concert, yeah, the thought of seeing all the people who got all the opportunities in high school get even more opportunities was something I didn't want. The last thing I wanted to do was relive a bunch of painful high school memories. Having Heather's graduation to attend was a welcome and preferred alternative!

Notes on the larger pictures: 1. The last picture of the three of us in front of the house before we left. 2. About the only picture of me and Heather while she had her robes on...her mom took a picture of all the Ridingers together at the barbecue we had at Grandma Robison's later that day.

1 comment:

The Huwe Family said...

Ugh. You've had a rough year. Hopefully things will start looking up. Let us know how the job search goes.