Enduring to the end

As I was shoveling the snow and using all of my strength to try and get Katie's car to move yesterday (I'm now sore and coming down with a cold, by the way) I couldn't help but think about the hell this year school year has been for me in so many ways. Going in it seemed pretty straightforward: go to school for a full, intense year, graduate, and get a job. Simple enough. But like just about anything in life, it hasn't exactly gone quite as planned and potential roadblocks still linger off on the sides. Not only do I need to successfully complete student teaching (which as I mentioned has gotten off to a fairly good start in my view, so I'm not too worried), but I still have to resolve the grade issue I blogged about in December. Now, I will start off by admitting that I waited a little too long to get back in touch with my professor in regards to meeting once break was over to come to a decision. It was mostly because I felt a bit overwhelmed with student teaching started, but even then I could have easily e-mailed her and set up a time. Well, as I started student teaching Monday my cooperating teacher asked me about an "outstanding assignment" (outstanding meaning incomplete) of mine that my professor, who is also in charge of student teaching for the School of Music, let him know about. So I had to explain what happened since I could tell he was somewhat concerned. I found out today she had said more as he had asked her if there was anything he needed to do. I e-mailed my professor on Tuesday, but didn't get a response back until today when I resent it from my kent.edu account. This is what I said:

Hello [professor]-

I hope you had a restful and enjoyable break and are off to a good start this semester. I need to schedule an appointment with you to meet about the issues surrounding Elementary and Secondary Music Methods. I do not know what your schedule is this semester since I am only on campus once a week, so all I can let you know is that I am available after 3 PM except on Wednesdays as school is done at 2:25 and I need at least 20 minutes to get back to Kent.
Please let me know when you have available times in that timeframe or any other options.

I did send you an electronic copy of the article reviews back in December shortly after I realized I had failed to turn in the hard copies. Also, for future reference, I would appreciate you e-mailing me directly in regards to any class issues rather than going through [my cooperating teacher]. This is a private and internal matter and is none of his business.

After sending it again today from my KSU e-mail account (I e-mailed someone else on campus the other day and they said they never got it, so I'm suspicious) I got this response:

Hello Jon,

I can meet with you on Monday (February 10) or Tuesday (February 11) between 3:00-4:00 PM. Whether or not you student teach is indeed [cooperating teacher]'s business; we can discuss in person. Please be advised that had I recorded the grade you earned rather than the grade of Incomplete, you would not be out student teaching this semester. Courtesy on your part would be appreciated. Please make an appointment.

Rather than rattle off a long response, I simply stated that I would like to meet on Monday February 10 at 3 PM. There is so much going through my head right now. Am I wrong to feel like this is a threat? How bout the "grade I earned?" Earned? Earning would imply that I didn't do the work and/or didn't show a high enough level of comprehension to warrant passing. That is what a grade is for, to let the student and others know where they stand in their understanding of a certain subject. Unfortunately, as I mentioned in a previous post, many teachers, college professors in particular it seems, use grades as weapons; weapons of submission, power, and belittlement. Not only did I do the work in question, but after realizing I hadn't turned it in I sent her an electronic copy, which she has yet to acknowledge.

There are other e-mails that I received from my cooperating teacher in regards to this that he forwarded me. I don't feel like posting them all. I do question why he had to even know (and for the record he has been cool about it). True, there is a small chance I could be removed from student teaching if her grade would stand, but why concern him with something that isn't likely to happen? (And if I were removed from student teaching you can bet I would be taking some serious action.) I could tell he was concerned when he mentioned it, plus I have no idea how it has affected or altered his perception and/or opinion of me. I just want to graduate so I can move on with my life. It's just one thing after another on top of having no money and the house situation to add to it, hence enduring to the end and not blissfully gliding to the end!