Piling it on

Just when I think I'm at my limit for stress and bad news, I get more. I told my grandparents today that I don't get steady problems, I get them in massive floods! So, on top of dealing with what I feel is near incompetency at the KSU College of Education, I was informed this evening that come November 1, we will no longer have a way to pay for utilities as my dad will have moved to his new rental house in Akron with his fiance. We were also informed that he has already stopped making the mortgage payments, so it is only a matter of time before the house is foreclosed on. Given the current financial state of the country, we likely have a good amount of time before the foreclosure actually happens since this property is hardly a priority, but that is a mute point if we don't have utilities. Unfortunately, as we discovered just recently due to the remnants of Hurricane Ike, not having power makes life somewhat difficult. The problem is that my mom is currently subbing (hardly a steady job) and her chances of getting a full-time teaching job are virtually non-existent, plus she has her own bills to pay as she pays off debt from necessities like dental work and car repairs. I am in graduate school, so working wouldn't be much of a help at all, plus I have over $20,000 in loans for school (thanks Kent State!). My sister is living here and has volunteered to pay the utilities, but her job is hardly well-paying and she doesn't have much in the way of savings either not to mention she is also in transition trying to find a career in her own field. It appears we may be able to stave off getting completely kicked out (at least until the house is foreclosed on), but eventually it will happen. I can see no way to overcome the mortgage since it is currently around $1,700 a month barring some miracle where we get an unexpected influx of cash.

It's frustrating mostly because I have virtually no control over what happens. Even though I am one of those who it affects most, I have the least amount to say since I currently have no income, nor do I really have the ability to contribute significant income until at the earliest May 2009. It's like I'm totally handcuffed, completely powerless, and still have to deal with all the stress and work from school like nothing is happening. Of course there's the emotional aspect too as we have lived in this house for over 25 years now and are about to completely lose it. Let's not forget too that on top of whatever work grad school throws at me, I will have to move in with someone else (likely my grandparents) and have virtually all of my posessions stored away in a storage locker or in someone's basement. Yes, we've known about this since May (see my previous post from May), but only now have we gotten a significant update on it. Just as I feared, it's not much time and nothing has really changed.

I have always felt that everything is going to work out OK, but it's hard to stay positive when I look at the situation with the information I know. I really don't see how everything's going to work out OK or how it could even be possible without an act of God. And while some may say having a place to stay means everything is OK, to me, the only way things will end up "OK" is if I get to stay in MY house or at least have a place to call my own and I don't have to worry about the poor decisions of others. Losing the house will NEVER be "OK." As I mentioned in previous posts, staying with someone-- even relatives-- is helpful, but it's not "my" place; I'd be a guest. In other words, it would be like being on a long visit of sorts where I can't settle in or truly treat it like I would my own room. We've all been on visits; eventually we get tired and just want to go home. I'll get to that point but won't have anywhere to go.

It's funny this should all come up today because I was thinking about it just before we found out as I mowed the lawn this evening and as I talked with a former high school classmate and his wife who now live down the street. I was thinking about how much longer we'd be here and what my relationship would be with Dad and his fiance as well as my kids' relationship to them.

I don't know; right now I just feel like my life is spiraling out of control and my world is rapidly falling apart. There is nothing I can do about it and no one really cares.